In My Time Of Dying
by SilentXInsomnia
Summary: Thane's dying and Shepard doesn't want to admit it. She can't handle the thought of losing him.


"There has to be something we can do! I refuse to just give up like this!" Anger pulsated through my body, my frustration and helplessness only spurring me on. "Commander, Kepral's Syndrome isn't something that can just be cured in a heartbeat, infact, there hasn't been a cure developed yet." Mordin interjected, his arms carefully folded behind his back. We were stood in atrium of the Huerta Memorial Hospital, facing the large glass windows that filled the hospital with light. "This is bullshit! He's dying in there and your telling me there is nothing you can do! You made the genophage for god sake!" I yelled,slamming my fist against the glass in frustration, causing a loud thud yet the glass didn't give. Alot of people looked up but I ignored them, my heart practically breaking in my chest. "I'm sorry Commander, but there is nothing I can do. Even if there was Thane is too far gone to react positvely to the treatment." Mordin reached up, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder but I quickly shrugged it off, turning and walking away from him and over to the private observation room where Thane lay, one hand reaching up to place on the thick glass that currently seperated us. I wanted to go in, to comfort him in his final days but something left me scared, like a child frightened of the boogeyman. Everytime i tried to go in, I couldn't. I refused to believe I was going to let yet another person die.

I heard Mordin's footsteps behind me, a cautious tone to his step. "Shepard..I think it would be the right thing to do if we contacted Kolyat and told him of his father's condition." I sighed for a moment, knowing the only other person who would sort of understand how I was feeling would be the Drell's son, Kolyat Krios. A boy whom only months ago had got in contact with his father for the first time since being a child. "Edi." With another sigh i reached up and pressed the button on the earpeice. "Edi. Have Kelly send a message to Kolyat Krios on behalf of Thane Krios, tell her to put that his condition has worsened and it's unlikely he will make it. And give him the location." there was silence for a moment before the computers robotic voice filled my ear. " Understood Shepard. Your orders have been received." I dropped my hand to my side one more and found myself gazing at the sickly Drell. "Thane.. hang on... you've got to hang on..." I muttered, tears beginning to prick my eyes for a second but i hurridly blinked them back. I, Commander Alana Shepard, never showed tears in public.

"Shepard, we should return to the Normandy. Visiting hours are almost over." The Solarian scientist watched me, an odd expression of concern on his face. "Your right Mordin... Let's go." With a final look at my beloved I pushed off the glass and turned, heading out of the hospital, a part of me praying that he'd hold on at least until tomorrow.

Noone spoke a word as I patrolled the decks of The Normandy SR2, conversations stopped mid-stream and remained silenced until I had passed. Most of the crew giving an apologetic look or nod, a few uttering words of comfort yet none of it really sunk in. I was in a dream world, lost in my own thoughts. My feet leading the way yet my mind had no set destination. I only re-emerged from my dream-state when I found myself stood in the gunroom, Garrus Vakarian, a Turian whom had accompanied me on many missions stood infront of me, his arms crossed and concern in his eyes. "Y'know... it's not a good idea to be absent-minded. Especially with reapers and collectors running around. Don't you think Shepard?" His voice was gentle, and more comforting than any I'd heard recently. "Sorry Garrus... I just..." I shook my head, my gaze falling to the floor at my feet. "Your concerned for Thane, believe me I get it. But all of us have lost something or someone close to us in this war.. or we're going to lose people. Your not alone Commander. Remember that. "

"I just wish we didn't have to Garrus...I wish I could make it all go away." I bit my lower lip, feeling my anger rise up again before I felt the Turian's hand land on my shoulder. "Isn't that what we're trying to do already? So noone else has to suffer?" I hated to admit it but he was right, Garrus was always right. "We have to try harder. Everyday we stand stalling, the Reapers are stealing more and more people, destroying more and more homelands and colonies. And I'm not going to stand for it anymore." I gritted my teeth, my hands curling into fists and Garrus gave a light chuckle. "That sounds more like the Commander I know, almost lost you for a second there."

"Yea...I guess you did." I gave a wry smile and unclenched my fingers. "Thanks for the pep-talk Vakarian, I guess I needed the wake up call."

"Anytime Shepard...Anytime." He gave a short nod and turned back to his work, a silent signal for me to leave and I did so, ending up back in my quarters.

_I love you Siha..._ A voice I'd come to love beckoned me into the dream world and I smiled up at Thane who towered over me. "About time you got here.. I was beginning to think you weren't coming." I chuckled, reaching up to caress his cheek with my bare hand, our eyes transfixed on eachothers for a moment. "Siha, I'm running out of time..." He began but I moved my hand, putting a finger to his lips to stop him. "Shhhhh... Be alive with me tonight." I whispered the words I'd once spoken to him, what felt like so long ago. Within moments I felt his lips against mine and our bodies collide in passion. In the dream world, he wasn't sick or injured. We could be together peacefully, stealing a few precious moments before we were forced to part for good. "Thane..." I mumbled as he toyed with a softspot on my neck. "Don't ever leave me..." I meant every word and his coal black eyes opened for a moment to look up at me, regarding me carefully. "Never Siha. Eventhough we may get seperated at times, I will always find you. Even across the sea."

I smiled at his words, truly believing them and laughed when he rolled us over, my eyes closing for a split second, but the moment they opened again. Everything had changed. Thane was no longer moving, his body cold and stiff and we were no longer in my quarters, but in the woods back on earth. The sounds of the repears guns going off in the distance and I opened my mouth to scream, but no sound came out. The horribly familiar chuckle of the little boy turning my attention to my left where I saw him. When I looked back to where Thane had been his body was gone and I was sat on the ground. The incredible urge to run after the boy, to save him, driving me to my feet and I ran after him. I cursed my body as it sluggishly moved forward, my very flesh feeling 10 times too heavy for me yet i kept trying to reach him. Each time he'd get further and further away, closer and closer to the repears death siren and suddenly, when I reached out to grab him he exploded into flames. I couldn't save him.

I woke up with a jolt, my body trembling slightly and I gave a sigh, reaching up to touch my forehead. _Keep it together Shepard..._ I thought, trying to calm myself down, more exhausted than I had been when I went to sleep. Slowly I allowed myself to lay back once more, gazing out of the skyline window at the millions of starts that hung above The Normandy. For the first time in my life, I felt helpless. It wasn't reapers or collectors standing in the way of myself and Thane, it was a disease, a disease I had no control over and could do nothing about. I'd always been so sure of myself, believing I could handle anything if it came down to it, but this, this was something else entirely. For the first time in a long time I felt as small and insignificant as a speck of dust in the galaxy.


End file.
